5-25-16

Hi dolls, I have been working on my Goddess Garden every free moment I get. I am firery about it. Becoming a mother tapped me […]

5-16-16

hey sweet loves, We got home late Saturday night from Florida and got settled back in yesterday. 10 days away from home is a long […]

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5-4-16

Hi Yall 😉   Man does it feel good to have that story done and published! (If you haven’t read it yet you can click here […]

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4-28-16

Hi Lovers, Nothing too exciting to report. Just writing to say hello. Also sometimes I just need to write to clear my thoughts. My mind […]

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4-23-16

hi dolls, I just finished writing a piece for an online magazine. They asked me to write about my experience living in the mountains etc. […]

Family

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I googled “family” to find a definition. I thought I would find something about unconditional love or  an unbreakable bond. But sadly and truthfully this is what I found: “any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins.”  

I want family to mean so much more than that. I want family to mean that we stick together and love each other no matter what life decisions a member is making. Unfortunately I am realizing that to some people, family is exactly how the dictionary defines it. Someone you simply share a bloodline with and nothing more.

After becoming a mother, family feels like such an amazing and necessary part of a person’s life. To have a support system you can rely on, to be there when others let you down. I have started my own little family and it is the most exciting thing I have ever done. In the process of creating a new family, I am sadly losing other parts of my family. My life choices don’t sit well with some and because of that they choose to not have me in their life.

I understand, but I am heartbroken, especailly for Phoenix. I wanted to be the one who kept in touch with extended family, to give Phoenix the biggest network of family to support him. I am sad that there are people in my family who won’t know Phoenix because they are upset with decisions I am making, and choosing not to be a part of our lives. Because they cannot see what is truly important and instead, are hung up on the fact that I am not living the way they lived/live. Instead of unconditional love, parts of my family require conditions. I have been given silent ultimatums. Do this or else. Live like us or we can’t be family anymore and you won’t be invited over for the obligatory holiday family dinner.

No actual words have been said, most things are said by actions or omissions in my family. I have been silently sent out in exile. One would think that I actually did something to offend someone, instead of simply just living my life minding my own business. My greatest offense has been doing my best to be happy and love Phoenix and Travis.

I am simply shocked that parts of my family don’t want to be a part of Phoenix’s life. It hurts on a whole new level I have never experienced. They are truly missing out. This experience has been very clarifying for me. I have come to new realizations about what I want family to mean for Phoenix, Travis and I.

I want us to remain a family even when things are hard and people are making decisions we may not understand or agree with. I want those in my family to feel like they can truly be themselves and know they will still be loved, no matter what. I want my family to know that I truly mean that statement. Everyone says that to their family, but do they really mean it? No matter what?

What if I move away? What if I have a baby before I get married? What if you don’t understand the person I choose to spend my life with? What if I take a different path than you did? What if I don’t do some things that you do? What if I make you uncomfortable? What if I get sick? What if I become famous? What if I lose everything? What if I need your help?

No matter what. No. Matter. What.

I don’t think many people know that kind of love anymore. I don’t think many people truly take the time to think about the gravity of that statement. What I do know, is that Phoenix will know that kind of love.

If people were honest about their love it might sound more like this: I love you, as long as you: aren’t gay, don’t sell all your things and travel the world, don’t decide to be an artist instead of a doctor, don’t have a baby before marriage (fill in whatever tradition you’ve broken here).

If you love someone, no matter what, that doesn’t mean you have to take responsibility for their actions. It doesn’t mean you have to put up with bad treatment. It also doesn’t mean you have to agree with every choice they make. It means that no matter what you love them.

I want my family, my children, their children, my sister, her children, aunts, uncles, cousins and their children and my parents to know that my definition of family is one of unconditional love. That they are free to make any choice that pleases them. That there will be no judgement, but support in whatever decision they make for themselves. Support in the form of being. Being there to talk, to hug, and to listen.

And now I will quote a disney movie because what disney movie doesn’t have a great lesson?

“Ohana means Family, Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”

My family will never be left behind or forgotten. I will be there always to listen, to help, and to love. I will come running when called for. I will open my door when you show up. No. Matter. What.

 

XOXO

Haley Anne