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Caution: Hormonal


Today has been a roller coaster for me. Not because anything of significance or even annoyance has happened, just because. My hormones have officially moved in. I am 33 weeks pregnant and I haven’t noticed too many serious changes in my mood until now. More crying yes, but not many mood swings to speak of. Now if you asked Travis he might have a different response. I feel like I do a pretty good job of being aware of my emotions and what is actually causing them, remaining rational for the most part. Today was a different story.

I woke up at my normal 6am. I have been going to bed so early that I just naturally wake up at 6am (almost on the dot) every day. I put my warm cozy robe on and made some herbal tea. Continuing with my normal morning routine I turned on the Christmas lights that remain in the kitchen all year round and read my book sitting on the couch. This time is usually a time of meditation and reflection, setting my intentions for the day and generally just getting in a really positive state of mind. It’s my favorite and most coveted time of the day. Again, today was a different story.

I couldn’t read, or meditate, or even just feel good. I was anxious for no good reason that I could think of and my mind was running off on tangents of “what if’s.” Suddenly I wanted pizzas and Jimmy John’s sandwiches RIGHT NOW. I wanted to watch Lion King and laugh and cry and stuff my face all at the same time. I sat frozen on my couch not really knowing what to do. Again, it was 6am. Pizzas and Jimmy John’s weren’t options (not to mention I am attempting to stick to my paleo, organic diet and anything with grain gives me the worlds worst heartburn). I was in a hormonal funk and I had no idea how to get out of it.

Travis was still sleeping and so I decided the best thing to do was text him and warn him of my state. I truly felt out of control and like I was capable of anything, no one should wake up to someone like that. When he woke up he laughed and was sweet to me, which of course immediately helped my mood. I still was frustrated with the fact that I was feeling “upset” for no reason. I went through my little check list, I wasn’t hungry, I just went pee, and I wasn’t cold. I had no idea what was wrong with me.

The only solution I had was to be soft and quiet until I figured it out. I had a Dr. appointment so I was hoping that, that would cheer me up. I always love going in and hearing the doctor tell us how perfect baby Phoenix seems to be growing. After the appointment I suggested that we drive into the mountains since we were out and about already in the jeep and it was snowing so beautifully. The moment we got into the trees I was feeling my anxiety lift. Being in nature is one of the best cure-all’s I have ever come across. I was so content and felt back to myself. Travis and I drove and talked about our future and had such a great time laughing and being “dumb” (Dumb means cute in our language. Side story: Travis calls me dumb when he thinks I’m being cute. People misunderstand all the time and think he is a terrible person haha. We think its funny)

We came home and went back to our normal duties. I started laundry and dinner and Travis went to his computer to do “internet things.” All of a sudden I was again feeling a little crazy. So here I am writing about my day crazily wondering if this feeling will ever go away. Staying balanced emotionally is quite an undertaking for me these days it seems like. I’m still not sure of a solution or how to save the innocent from my moods. Maybe I should get a red hat that I can wear when I am feeling crazy as a warning to others. If you are reading this, you have been warned.


Haley Anne