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Red Rocks 2

Hi humans,

Today I am feeling off. The past couple of days have been showing me alot about myself. About my own self confidence and the confidence in others and how it affect our lives so hugely.

Confidence is such a tricky thing. You can’t see it until it’s gone. You don’t know you’re confident until someone else’s lack of it forces you to question yourself.

Light can only be seen in darkness kinda thing I suppose.

Multiple situations I have been observing in life have made me question my own confidence, the confidence of others and their motives, and also kindness.

Can you be insecure and still be kind? I’m not totally sure. I am pretty sure that all unkindness comes from a lack of confidence. But is a lack of confidence a sure bet for unkindness? I don’t. Know. Ha.

Is confidence even an inherent part of our nature as humans? I don’t feel like I was born confident. I feel like I have found it, or at least most days I find it, but it doesn’t exactly feel natural right away.

Recently I have been “putting  myself out there” in a stronger and stronger way, but it is not confidence that is at work, it is persistence. I have a goal, I have a mission, vision, passion, and I am determined to see it through. Even through my sometimes lack of confidence. There have been soooo many times, actually probably more often than not, that I have pressed that “publish” button on a blog post, youtube video, or instagram picture, and I have felt completely and utterly unsure. I just press the button anyways.

I guess I am just wondering why? Why are we all so insecure and unsure and not confident? We are as children, and we quickly learn otherwise. Maybe it serves us in some way while growing up and learning about our environment.

Being confident all on it’s own can be hard, and once I feel like I am actually confident in myself all alone, something or someone brings in doubt. Insecurity comes rushing back in. I sometimes feel like its all a game. Once you get comfortable you have to get uncomfortable again in order to level up.

So here I am in a place to level up. I know I am leveling up because I am handling things differently than I ever have. Normally the doubt and insecurity would be crippling. It might stop me right in my tracks, make me lose focus of what I am doing and why, but this time, after that icky stomach dropping feeling you get when a person doubts you, or makes fun of you, or talks about you behind your back, I feel more clear. I feel more sure about what I am doing and why. I feel confident in it. I also know that this situation is popping out as a challenge, asking me if this is really what I want. And my response right away is YES!

I am confident in what I am doing, and I am confident that doubt from others is nothing more than them dealing with their own confidence and they are only doing the best they can in that moment. I am 100% confident that every action a person takes is completely about them, only about them. Choosing to make it about yourself is your choice, and I am starting to make a different choice.

Its a very liberating choice to make. I encourage everyone to make that choice.

I hope you all have a confident ass day!


Haley Anne