5-25-16

Hi dolls, I have been working on my Goddess Garden every free moment I get. I am firery about it. Becoming a mother tapped me […]

5-16-16

hey sweet loves, We got home late Saturday night from Florida and got settled back in yesterday. 10 days away from home is a long […]

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5-4-16

Hi Yall ūüėČ   Man does it feel good to have that story done and published! (If you haven’t read it yet you can¬†click here […]

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4-28-16

Hi Lovers, Nothing too exciting to report. Just writing to say hello. Also sometimes I just need to write to clear my thoughts. My mind […]

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4-23-16

hi dolls, I just finished writing a piece for an online magazine. They asked me to write about my experience living in the mountains etc. […]

1-27-16

PIccccc

Hi Yall,

Today I am talking about self-love. Self-love is kind of a struggle for me. It doesn’t necessarily come natural to me. I have a very intense sense of competition and I demand the highest standards of myself. Perfection, perfection, perfection. It’s a losing game. I am not nice to myself, I treat myself worse than I have ever treated another person. This isn’t an all day every day struggle just times when I notice a flaw or something like that.

Yoga has been my saving grace for this area of my life. Yoga has been a mirror and shown me sides of myself I didn’t know needed fixing or releasing. It is a challenging thing to attempt to be good at. There are parts of yoga that I probably will never be able to do, knowing that why do I continue? For me yoga is my journey to self love. To know that I most likely will fail and go anyways, to find something else on the way.

Yoga has brought the issue to my attention. It showed me that I need to work on this, which is the first step. I have been working on it a long time. I’m not sure we ever stop working on loving ourselves. There is a balance between being motivated to be better and punishing yourself for being where you are. I work every day to find that balance.

Being a Mama has also helped me take my perfectionism down a notch. I go to bed with toys strung out and the kitchen dirty sometimes, because its not that big of a deal haha. It doesn’t mean that I am a lazy person. It doesn’t mean anything about me as a person except what I decide it means.

This morning I was supposed to get up and record a yoga class and I just couldn’t. Nix was awake rolling on my face until 4 am and when my alarm went off 20 minutes later I just couldn’t. Historically¬†the self loathing and disappointment would consume me. I just couldn’t handle that kind of “failure.” Today, I am ok with it. I got up at 5:45am and I’m meditating and writing. This is what feels good for me today and so that is what I am going to do with out any self judgement.

Self-love is such a process. I am no where near the end of the process. Putting yourself out there on the internet in such a vulnerable way also peels back another layer. I am in the muck of it right now. I hardly get any rude comments and 99% of my feedback is positive but I am quickly realizing that it’s not the feedback from people on the internet that I fear, it is my own feedback. Even if I do get negative feedback from others it doesn’t bother me. Their opinions don’t bother me, the voice in my head…..that bothers me. The non-stop nagging and thinking, and searching for ways to be better is exhausting. I don’t even edit my own yoga classes because I don’t like watching myself. I am my meanest critic.

This whole yoga experience is teaching me so much. I am so grateful for it. With out it maybe I would have never realized that I wasn’t loving myself. I had reached a plateau of self-love and not realized that I need to go deeper. So here we go. I am diving in. Radically accepting myself in it’s entirety.

I hope you all know what love you deserve, and that it starts by loving yourself. Like true unconditional crazy love.

Get in front of a camera or mirror and tell yourself I LOVE YOU. Look right into your own eyes. Seriously, it’s terrifying. I still haven’t done it with out crying and immediately deleting the video. Isn’t it odd? Why is it so hard and emotional to tell yourself you love yourself? Ha It seems so obvious. Duh. But it isn’t and it’s hard. We will get there though.

Thanks again for the session. I owe you guys like thousands by now right?? Well I am sending thousands of good vibes to you all reading this.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!

XOXO

Haley Anne

Mother Lovin Yogi